Today I wanted to change the oil in my car.  On my way into work I stopped at a local auto store that will remain nameless.  They had a great sale going on.  $26.99 for a 5 liter jug of synthetic oil and a free Fram Tough Guard oil filter.

Since they did not have the more expensive "Tough Guard" filter for my car I just grabbed a regular Fram filter.  Here is how the transaction went:

IdiotZone Employee:  That will be $47.96

Me: The oil is on sale for $26.99 with a free filter.

IdiotZone Employee: Where did you see that?

Me: The sign is on the shelf with the oil.

Now we proceed back to the shelf where the employee reads the sign and then we head over to the oil filter shelf.  He stares at it for a minute then heads back to the counter.  He asks me for the year, make and model of my car.

IdiotZone Employee: We don't have that filter.

Me: I know, so I grabbed the cheaper filter.

Employee stares at computer screen seeking wisdom...

Me:  Can't I get the same deal with the cheaper filter?

IdiotZone Employee: No

Me: So, what you are telling me is that if I want the cheaper filter the package deal costs $20 more?

IdiotZone Employee: Yes

I proceed to leave the IdiotZone and make my purchase elsewhere.  I could have made several great comments such as "Math was not a requirement for this job I see" but considering my audience, I felt they would have been wasted.

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There seems to be a conspiracy of sorts with the whole soap industry.  Have you ever noticed that there appears to be a soap for everything?  Lets go through this systematically.

Car Washing

OK, remember when washing your car was a fun thing to do?  You grabbed a bucket, sponge, the hose and some soap to do the job.  When you were done, you would park the car in the shade and pop out your can of Turtle Wax and polish your baby to a high shine.  Then they came out with something crazy!  Wash & Wax in one!  So now there was a special soap, just for washing and waxing the car.  Then came the special soap for just washing your tires, then the soap for just washing your wheels.

Lets not even get started on the interior, because there are special cleaners for wood, leather, vinyl, naugahyde (I have never seen a Nauga, but their hides are fantastic!  Sorry PETA).

Washing Yourself

OK, here is where we start to get complicated.  Back in the day we had the Irish Spring for the body and the Prell for the head.  OK, so there were a bunch of other soaps and shampoos, but as a guy we didn't care much about this stuff.  Then it hit me.  At some point my body had more hair than my head.  No I didn't go bald, but in proportion, there is more hair elsewhere than on top.  So the question became, where do I stop using shampoo and start using soap?  Can I wash the hair on my head with soap? Can I wash the rest of my body with shampoo?  I need direction here.  Thank you hair & body wash in a single bottle!

I then reached a milestone in life and began to share a shower with a woman.  Yes, my wife counts as a woman.  This is when I found out that there were special soaps, depending on your mood I guess.  You had soaps that were pure, soaps with moisturizer, soaps just for your face, soaps just for your hands, soaps just for your feet, even soaps that had oatmeal in them?!?  I guess if you are ever trapped in a shower and need to survive a few days, an oatmeal soap would come in handy.

Then there are all the hand soaps.  There are the soft soaps and the bar soaps and now soaps with anti bacterial crime fighting action built in!  

How about at the hotel?  You always get two bars of soap.  One marked facial, the other marked bath.  The look exactly alike, except one is larger than the other.  So now you are telling me that I can wash my face and hands with the same stuff as long as its a different size?

Some soaps are even bold enough to claim they clean over 1000 body parts, unfortunately they do not provide a list, so you must use this at your own risk.

I am not even going to touch the shampoo market, because that is a scam they have strictly for the female population.  Because face it girls, if you want to look like a super model, you need to have the Vidal Mitchell Suave Fuller Body Shampoo for Oily/Dry hair with the matching bottle of conditioner, which makes your hair feel greasy again like it needs to be washed. Lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, go buy more.

The truth about soap...

As the empirical evidence suggests, the soap industry is constantly trying to figure out a new soap for something.  However they have never been able to come up with a soap for one thing.  In all my research for preparing this article (OK, so I just sat down and began typing) I have never found a soap for....SOAP!  No there is not a soap for soap.  That ultimately means that soap cannot get dirty!

So why is this relevant?  Well, we have all been to the gym or locker room and forgotten soap.  There is always an abandoned bar of soap on the floor of the shower.  You have done it yourself.  Small bar remains, slips out of your hands and you just leave it there.  Well now you know that it doesn't matter who left it there or what has touched it, that soap is clean.  Because lets face it if soap got dirty, there would be a soap for that!

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So I am talking with someone who has a summer property near the person in the video. Here is how the conversation goes:

"So this lady near us has a pet tortoise that has found its way to get itself in trouble. She puts the tortoise outside to feed on the grass and dandy lions next to her trailer. One afternoon a couple of guys drove by in their golf cart and ran the tortoise over. Luckily the ground was soft from all the rain and the tortoise got stuck in the mud. She had to pull him out of the mud and clean him off. The tortoise didn't come out of its shell for a couple days after that. From that point on she had set up a little fence to keep him safe from vehicle traffic. Well one day the tortoise made a jailbreak! The woman posted lost signs and took out an ad. The tortoise was found a few days later not to far from its starting point.

The entire time the TV interview is going on, the storyteller is waiting to fire up his weed wacker because he is being polite. We all know that those little two stroke engines are just slightly louder than a 747 on takeoff.

The story ends with the tortoise owner telling our storyteller that she is thinking about getting one of those little suction cup flags to put on the tortoise's back just in case something else might befall the troubled tortoise.

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I found this recently and it make a lot of sense. Funny how life becomes a unique experience that sometimes is not so unique. Credit to Tony Robbins for pointing out this video.

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OK, now that I have your attention, get your mind out of the gutter. This headline could have several meanings, the one you thought of immediately, it also could have been reference to the helmet law, or lack thereof, in Minnesota.

I had the pleasure this summer to take my very first visit to the fine state of Minnesota. Taking along my trusty friend Old Blue, a 1975 BMW R75/6. My plans were to enjoy back road journeys around the areas south of Minneapolis.

I did not pick this area at random, as I had signed my son up for a week of hockey at the Shattuck St. Mary's School in Faribault. I set up base camp with the RV at Lake Roberds just south of the town.

Looking forward to my first day of riding, I got Old Blue out and headed to pick up some provisions at the local Super Walmart. As one may expect, a vehicle that is more than 30 years old may have some quirks. The cases (luggage) that I have on the bike are very old and well used Krauser bags. The top case in particular had broken hinges. This never seemed to be a problem because of how tight the lid closed and the latches worked just fine.

After stopping at the Walmart and picking up a few things, which included a pack of bungee cords that would prove to be valuable later. I picked up the bungees because I was headed to the big Cabela's outdoor store nearby. Just in case I purchased anything to large to fit in the cases, I would have some means to hold it down.

Headed down the highway at about 65 MPH, a car pulls up on my left and points to the back of my bike. I take a peek in the mirror to see that the lid on my top case is gone and my Walmart bags are waiving in the wind. I immediately pull over. An 18 wheeler pulls over in front of me. The driver gets out and I ride up to meet him. He tells me that the lid flew off about three tenths of a mile back and is laying on the shoulder of the road unharmed. He actually apologized that he could not pull over to get it for me!** (See note at end of post.)

I turned my bike around on the shoulder an proceeded to slowly ride up the highway against traffic. The looks I got from folks were priceless. The best was a group of motorcycles that were driving in the same direction that I was, except they were on the right side of the highway. These guys did a triple take shaking their heads as they passed.

Sure enough, about three tenths of a mile back, the lid to my top case lay in the shoulder un harmed. I put it back on, employed some of my newly acquired bungee chords to hold it in place and headed back in the right direction down the highway.

When it came time to do some scenic back country road driving, I was excited. I must warn you though that many, many roads in rural Minnesota are not paved. Looking at a map I would not thing that 180th St. W. would be a gravel road, as were many that I planned on taking as I went exploring. The gravel roads ate into my riding time as I could only travel safely at a reduced speed on the loose surface.

The other great danger in rural Minnesota, farm dogs! These guys love to give chase to anything that comes near their remote outpost on their lonely gravel road. With great caution I had to accelerate past them so as not to become their newest chew toy.

**Side Note - Truck Drivers

Having grown up in the trucking industry and having owned my own trucking company, I can tell you first hand that truck drivers in general are great people. The fact that the driver in the story pulled over to help me out just goes to show you their generally helpful nature. I will not mention what company he drove for because I am certain there is a suit in an office somewhere that would fire this guy for a company policy violation.

Nobody is telling their kids to grow up to become truck drivers, but it is a good occupation for people with a good work ethic. Remember that everything object in your life was at some point transported on a truck.

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So I am fresh back from Strathroy, ON where I participated in a FREE goalie clinic provided by Steve McKichan of Future Pro Goalie School.  Some people say you get what you pay for, and if its free, it cannot be that good.  Here is an instance where that is completely wrong.

Here is what was provided to us:  Free meal, 2 hours of ice time and professional instruction from an NHL experienced goalie coach.  This opportunity was provided to 40 individuals.  I was lucky to be one of them.  

The group I was in had 2 young kids, 2 teenagers, a handful of twenty somethings and a handful of us older folks.  The staff was able to match the speed of the drills with the age and skill of the goalie participating at any particular moment.  The best part of the instruction is that you were told before hand that its ok to make mistakes.  Event the pros make mistakes.  

So how does he benefit from providing an event like this which cost him hundreds of dollars and us nothing.  Well, I can assure you that 40 people left fully impressed with what was provided.  I am certain that the young kids and teens will be begging their parents to return for summer camps.  I am also sure that there are a few parents like myself that will probably be sending their kid their in the future.  I would bet that he probably gets a 25-35% return response on this type of event.  Direct marketers tell me that a 20% response is considered a great return.

This is a lesson in great marketing.  Give them a taste and leave them wanting for more.

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OK, this past December I made a purchase that my wife thought was insane.  But I am here to defend that.  The pictured vehicle is a Steyr Puch Pinzgauer.  This is a Swiss Army vehicle that was produced in Austria.  Needless to say it is very eye catching.

When I brought it home for the first time, my wife proclaimed to my kids that "Your father is insane!"  My son responded "No! Dad is the coolest!"  

After driving it around for the past few months I have come to notice how much positive attention the vehicle gets.  Men everywhere turn to look at the vehicle.  If I park it somewhere, it draws a crowd or has someone waiting by it to ask me what it is when I return.  I have received hundreds of "Thumbs Up" and smiles from guys passing by.  I have even had a several pictures and videos taken of the vehicle.

So now I justify the vehicle as something that is bringing joy to a large part of our population during depressing economic times.

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