The social connector...

Tonight I stopped by a local tavern, not the one where everybody knows my name, rather one where I was a stranger.  Not my first time dining alone, but I was a little more observant of the others around me.

I belly up to the bar and order a draft and ask for a menu.  The attractive bar maid goes about her tasks in a pleasant manner.  She makes small talk with the other patrons with whom she is already familiar with.  The lonely gentleman to my right gives me the impression that he is looking for attention.  He has already placed himself at the last seat at the bar to isolate himself, but he craves interaction.  He is text messaging on his phone and laughing out loud.  Then he is watching a video on his phone and again overtly reacting to what he is watching.  I am not in a social mood, so I don't take the bait.

At the other end of the bar is a conversation quarterback.  He is leading the conversation in the small group he is with and he is loud enough so that everyone in earshot can listen in.  The barmaid, bartender and others are all making brief interjections into the conversation, but he is running the offense.

Tonight I choose not to participate.  In fact, most nights I make that choice.  In the book, The Tipping Point, by Malcom Gladwell, he speaks of a well connected individual who has so many contacts because of his natural social behavior.  My wife has this amazing social behavior.  In fact she is a magnet for conversation.  Strangers just start talking to her.  It is bizarre, but completely natural to her.  I wonder if that is one of the reasons I am with her.  She is my social connector.

HR Pet Peeves

I recently read an article (could not remember where I read this) for job seekers about what HR professionals look for when screening applicants.  With the current economy in the toilet, it is expected that the number of applicants applying to any given opening is much greater than normal.  The bluntly obvious part of this article was that HR professionals will quickly move your resume to the "No thanks" pile if you have spelling errors or you didn't follow the directions as posted in the job listing.

Now for my pet peeves with HR professionals and the companies they work for.

Abuse of terminology: 

You can put a pig in a dress, but it is still a pig.  Engineer's are persons who have spent at minimum 4 years at an institution of higher learning and received a Bachelor of Science (BS) degree in a discipline that had the term "Engineering" in it.  First and foremost the BS degree requires that you take math and science classes.  You know, the tough classes that you didn't have to take to get your BA in Human Resources.  An engineer is not someone who keeps the furnace running in a building, or any other mechanical device for that matter.  These are technicians.  There is nothing wrong with the title of technician.  These are highly skilled individuals with talents that a lot of engineers do not possess.  By posting a technician job under the title of engineer, you are missing out on several talented technicians who are not looking for engineering jobs and you are cluttering up the jobs that engineer's are looking for.

Consultant.  This has to be the most abused term out there.  I have seen postings for "Comfort Consultants", this was an ad to become a Lennox furnace sales person.  Subway even had postings for "Sandwich Consultants".  Lets keep it simple.  If you are not a consulting firm, or you are not looking for a person with a specialized talent on a contract basis, you are not looking for a consultant.

Local candidates only:

I can understand that at a certain level of employment you would want to seek local candidates.  What baffles me is the desire of companies that are seeking more skilled individuals and executives, who choose to limit there search to a geographic region.  Think small, be small.  Do you really think that your metropolitan area has the best qualified candidate for the job?  In the long term, how much does that relocation cost effect your bottom line?  You are willing to pay a six figure salary, but you don't have the funds to pay for a mover?

Overly specific qualifications:

Can you be a little more specific.  Some HR folks feel that listing the exact qualifications that the previous person had, or that their dream candidate would have are the best fit for the open position.  Guess again.  The best candidate might not have any of the qualifications you desire, or only a few of them.  Look deeper into the candidate, you might be surprised what you find.  I know of a few college drop outs that have done pretty well without the "minimum qualifications" that so many people put in place.  (Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Michael Dell)

The closing contact:

OK, so you have screened out a candidate for whatever reason.  Take the 1/10th of a second and send them an canned email response that says "Thank you, but we have not chosen you for this job."  I know you are swamped with applications, but it takes so little effort to send a "No thank you" note.  This brings closure to the candidate and benefits both parties.  Your IT staff can set up a dummy account so there is no response to deal with.  If you are not friends with someone in the IT department, its time you were.  They just might be the most powerful people in your organization.

Shopping at the IdiotZone

Today I wanted to change the oil in my car.  On my way into work I stopped at a local auto store that will remain nameless.  They had a great sale going on.  $26.99 for a 5 liter jug of synthetic oil and a free Fram Tough Guard oil filter.

Since they did not have the more expensive "Tough Guard" filter for my car I just grabbed a regular Fram filter.  Here is how the transaction went:

IdiotZone Employee:  That will be $47.96

Me: The oil is on sale for $26.99 with a free filter.

IdiotZone Employee: Where did you see that?

Me: The sign is on the shelf with the oil.

Now we proceed back to the shelf where the employee reads the sign and then we head over to the oil filter shelf.  He stares at it for a minute then heads back to the counter.  He asks me for the year, make and model of my car.

IdiotZone Employee: We don't have that filter.

Me: I know, so I grabbed the cheaper filter.

Employee stares at computer screen seeking wisdom...

Me:  Can't I get the same deal with the cheaper filter?

IdiotZone Employee: No

Me: So, what you are telling me is that if I want the cheaper filter the package deal costs $20 more?

IdiotZone Employee: Yes

I proceed to leave the IdiotZone and make my purchase elsewhere.  I could have made several great comments such as "Math was not a requirement for this job I see" but considering my audience, I felt they would have been wasted.

The truth about soap...

There seems to be a conspiracy of sorts with the whole soap industry.  Have you ever noticed that there appears to be a soap for everything?  Lets go through this systematically.

Car Washing

OK, remember when washing your car was a fun thing to do?  You grabbed a bucket, sponge, the hose and some soap to do the job.  When you were done, you would park the car in the shade and pop out your can of Turtle Wax and polish your baby to a high shine.  Then they came out with something crazy!  Wash & Wax in one!  So now there was a special soap, just for washing and waxing the car.  Then came the special soap for just washing your tires, then the soap for just washing your wheels.

Lets not even get started on the interior, because there are special cleaners for wood, leather, vinyl, naugahyde (I have never seen a Nauga, but their hides are fantastic!  Sorry PETA).

Washing Yourself

OK, here is where we start to get complicated.  Back in the day we had the Irish Spring for the body and the Prell for the head.  OK, so there were a bunch of other soaps and shampoos, but as a guy we didn't care much about this stuff.  Then it hit me.  At some point my body had more hair than my head.  No I didn't go bald, but in proportion, there is more hair elsewhere than on top.  So the question became, where do I stop using shampoo and start using soap?  Can I wash the hair on my head with soap? Can I wash the rest of my body with shampoo?  I need direction here.  Thank you hair & body wash in a single bottle!

I then reached a milestone in life and began to share a shower with a woman.  Yes, my wife counts as a woman.  This is when I found out that there were special soaps, depending on your mood I guess.  You had soaps that were pure, soaps with moisturizer, soaps just for your face, soaps just for your hands, soaps just for your feet, even soaps that had oatmeal in them?!?  I guess if you are ever trapped in a shower and need to survive a few days, an oatmeal soap would come in handy.

Then there are all the hand soaps.  There are the soft soaps and the bar soaps and now soaps with anti bacterial crime fighting action built in!  

How about at the hotel?  You always get two bars of soap.  One marked facial, the other marked bath.  The look exactly alike, except one is larger than the other.  So now you are telling me that I can wash my face and hands with the same stuff as long as its a different size?

Some soaps are even bold enough to claim they clean over 1000 body parts, unfortunately they do not provide a list, so you must use this at your own risk.

I am not even going to touch the shampoo market, because that is a scam they have strictly for the female population.  Because face it girls, if you want to look like a super model, you need to have the Vidal Mitchell Suave Fuller Body Shampoo for Oily/Dry hair with the matching bottle of conditioner, which makes your hair feel greasy again like it needs to be washed. Lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat, go buy more.

The truth about soap...

As the empirical evidence suggests, the soap industry is constantly trying to figure out a new soap for something.  However they have never been able to come up with a soap for one thing.  In all my research for preparing this article (OK, so I just sat down and began typing) I have never found a soap for....SOAP!  No there is not a soap for soap.  That ultimately means that soap cannot get dirty!

So why is this relevant?  Well, we have all been to the gym or locker room and forgotten soap.  There is always an abandoned bar of soap on the floor of the shower.  You have done it yourself.  Small bar remains, slips out of your hands and you just leave it there.  Well now you know that it doesn't matter who left it there or what has touched it, that soap is clean.  Because lets face it if soap got dirty, there would be a soap for that!

You can't make this stuff up...

So I am talking with someone who has a summer property near the person in the video. Here is how the conversation goes:

"So this lady near us has a pet tortoise that has found its way to get itself in trouble. She puts the tortoise outside to feed on the grass and dandy lions next to her trailer. One afternoon a couple of guys drove by in their golf cart and ran the tortoise over. Luckily the ground was soft from all the rain and the tortoise got stuck in the mud. She had to pull him out of the mud and clean him off. The tortoise didn't come out of its shell for a couple days after that. From that point on she had set up a little fence to keep him safe from vehicle traffic. Well one day the tortoise made a jailbreak! The woman posted lost signs and took out an ad. The tortoise was found a few days later not to far from its starting point.

The entire time the TV interview is going on, the storyteller is waiting to fire up his weed wacker because he is being polite. We all know that those little two stroke engines are just slightly louder than a 747 on takeoff.

The story ends with the tortoise owner telling our storyteller that she is thinking about getting one of those little suction cup flags to put on the tortoise's back just in case something else might befall the troubled tortoise.

Music and Life

I found this recently and it make a lot of sense. Funny how life becomes a unique experience that sometimes is not so unique. Credit to Tony Robbins for pointing out this video.

Topless in Minnesota

OK, now that I have your attention, get your mind out of the gutter. This headline could have several meanings, the one you thought of immediately, it also could have been reference to the helmet law, or lack thereof, in Minnesota.

I had the pleasure this summer to take my very first visit to the fine state of Minnesota. Taking along my trusty friend Old Blue, a 1975 BMW R75/6. My plans were to enjoy back road journeys around the areas south of Minneapolis.

I did not pick this area at random, as I had signed my son up for a week of hockey at the Shattuck St. Mary's School in Faribault. I set up base camp with the RV at Lake Roberds just south of the town.

Looking forward to my first day of riding, I got Old Blue out and headed to pick up some provisions at the local Super Walmart. As one may expect, a vehicle that is more than 30 years old may have some quirks. The cases (luggage) that I have on the bike are very old and well used Krauser bags. The top case in particular had broken hinges. This never seemed to be a problem because of how tight the lid closed and the latches worked just fine.

After stopping at the Walmart and picking up a few things, which included a pack of bungee cords that would prove to be valuable later. I picked up the bungees because I was headed to the big Cabela's outdoor store nearby. Just in case I purchased anything to large to fit in the cases, I would have some means to hold it down.

Headed down the highway at about 65 MPH, a car pulls up on my left and points to the back of my bike. I take a peek in the mirror to see that the lid on my top case is gone and my Walmart bags are waiving in the wind. I immediately pull over. An 18 wheeler pulls over in front of me. The driver gets out and I ride up to meet him. He tells me that the lid flew off about three tenths of a mile back and is laying on the shoulder of the road unharmed. He actually apologized that he could not pull over to get it for me!** (See note at end of post.)

I turned my bike around on the shoulder an proceeded to slowly ride up the highway against traffic. The looks I got from folks were priceless. The best was a group of motorcycles that were driving in the same direction that I was, except they were on the right side of the highway. These guys did a triple take shaking their heads as they passed.

Sure enough, about three tenths of a mile back, the lid to my top case lay in the shoulder un harmed. I put it back on, employed some of my newly acquired bungee chords to hold it in place and headed back in the right direction down the highway.

When it came time to do some scenic back country road driving, I was excited. I must warn you though that many, many roads in rural Minnesota are not paved. Looking at a map I would not thing that 180th St. W. would be a gravel road, as were many that I planned on taking as I went exploring. The gravel roads ate into my riding time as I could only travel safely at a reduced speed on the loose surface.

The other great danger in rural Minnesota, farm dogs! These guys love to give chase to anything that comes near their remote outpost on their lonely gravel road. With great caution I had to accelerate past them so as not to become their newest chew toy.

**Side Note - Truck Drivers

Having grown up in the trucking industry and having owned my own trucking company, I can tell you first hand that truck drivers in general are great people. The fact that the driver in the story pulled over to help me out just goes to show you their generally helpful nature. I will not mention what company he drove for because I am certain there is a suit in an office somewhere that would fire this guy for a company policy violation.

Nobody is telling their kids to grow up to become truck drivers, but it is a good occupation for people with a good work ethic. Remember that everything object in your life was at some point transported on a truck.